There are many ways to work through arguments with your partner. You can take some time apart to reflect, crowdsource advice from friends and family, start couples therapy... Or, if you want to save all that money and time, you can simply ask ChatGPT. Hear me out.
On her podcast Miss Me?, Lily Allen talked about how she uses the AI chatbot to help formulate her thoughts when arguing with her husband, Stranger Things star David Harbour. Color me intrigued! Naturally, I thought I’d give it a shot in my own relationship. Unfortunately (or, I guess, fortunately), I’m not currently arguing with my boyfriend, so instead I decided to fabricate a topical argument that’s probably happening between countless couples around the world right now and probably will be for the next four years: Politics!
My first prompt was removed for violating ChatGPT’s policies because I used the word "asshole" to describe Donald Trump. But once I submitted a SFW version, ChatGPT sent a disconcertingly quick response back. I said: “Write me a long text message to send to my boyfriend after we had an argument about the election results because he thinks Trump has some good qualities and I think he’s [an asshole].”
“Hey babe,” it opened, “I’ve been thinking a lot about our conversation earlier and how we got into that argument about the election results. I feel like we’re on different sides of the fence when it comes to Trump and the whole political situation, and I just want to clear the air and share how I feel.”
A pretty solid opener (aside from the use of "hey babe," which I personally think has passive aggressive vibes). The rest of the message is too long to share verbatim, so I’ll do my best to summarize it for you. Now, as someone whose job is arguably at risk from AI chatbots like ChatGPT, I’m hesitant to praise it, but I have to admit, its suggested text was pretty good.
It was balanced ("I get that we have different perspectives, and I respect that”) and immediately acknowledged some traits that my fictional Trump-supporting partner might admire, including his “economic policies” (???). It added: “Even though I don’t necessarily agree with him on those issues, I get where you’re coming from.” (Sure, sure.)
After pacifying my partner with a gentle opener, ChatGPT suggested I go in with my points: That I see Trump as “a person who constantly stokes division, spreads misinformation, and seems to show very little empathy for people who aren’t in his circle” and someone whose “actions and rhetoric have caused so much harm… especially to marginalized communities."
There were a few more paragraphs that hammered home my POV, and then ChatGPT advised me to reflect on the argument and encourage my partner to reflect, too. But the key to a good relationship argument, I learned from Dr. ChatGPT, is to avoid inflammatory accusations, and to make sure your partner feels like you hear their perspective, even if you disagree. You should also suggest a way to resolve the argument, or at least to move forward with it calmly. “Let’s try to listen to each other without jumping to conclusions or getting defensive. We might not change each other’s minds, but I think we can try to understand where the other person is coming from,” it said.
ChatGPT's suggestion ended with a declaration of love and a cheesy closing line: “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page, even if that page isn’t always easy to find.”
To push my experiment further, I thought I’d offer ChatGPT some more personal prompts to add in. First, I asked it to include more about abortion rights, which I’m especially passionate about, and then, to throw it a curveball, I asked it to take into account that my fictional partner has been watching a lot of Joe Rogan recently, which I think might be poisoning his mind. “I know you’re a smart guy, and I trust that you’re not just blindly following what anyone says,” ChatGPT suggested, “but I also think it’s important to be mindful of where our information comes from.”
By now, the text is way too long to send, but I guess I could print it out and refer to it during an IRL argument. Ultimately, ChatGPT expressed my points well and gave me a very thought-out message. I can genuinely see how it could be a useful tool to help you avoid a reactionary response. It might even encourage you to see another point of view. (Not that it did for me, but, you know. For other people.)
That said, it also felt like an extremely dystopian thing to be doing. Human beings have survived millions of years on earth arguing without the help of an AI chatbot, and—even though we’re all increasingly suffering from brain rot—I think we should strive to survive millions of years more without losing the ability to actually talk to each other from our own brains and mouths. Stop using technology to connect! Log off! Stop reading this article! Go away and hug your partner!
